First order of business: Let’s have a look at my package.
The front desk has seen my package, indeed it seems to be all anyone wants to talk to me about, and they use a hand trolley to bring it up to my room. My package is very large, you see:
I am quite shortly distraught at the lack of butter knife in my room. Fortunately, I have on me that one particular tool that has been used for ages to open things: my keys.
With such a powerful tool at my disposal, I am quite quickly able to answer that most basic question that has plagued truth seekers for ages: what’s in the box?
If your answer was “other, smaller boxes” then you’re right!
There can be only one thing to do now. Find out what’s in the smaller box… Ah, it’s another still smaller box. This yet smaller box is at least a more interesting box:
By this stage, I hope you’re already well aware of the next step. If not, then there’s really nothing I can do for you. Opening the next box!
That right there is a solid point in apple’s favour. I really do love it when what’s on the can is what is in the can. The box has a picture of an iPad, and when you open it, look! an iPad! Imagine that!
Perhaps even better is that said iPad is wrapped in a plastic wrapping that quite specifically features a pull tab. So you can get it out of the box, you see. Because you really want to see what’s under the iPad…
That’s right, a shaped flat white surface containing a white pull tab. Very different from a clear pull tab, dontchaknow.
Truly though, this is all new to me. I know lots of people out there were tired of the iPad a year ago, but this is my first time really seeing one. And I’m here as technical support for these iPads. Isn’t that fantastic? The technology is so great these days that you don’t need a years experience with the device to be able to operate it, you just need some base technical know-how. Excellent.
Anyway, we’re hardly done. Pulling that white tab gives us an information packet, and reveals yet another form-fitted sight!
Yup, a square power block, and a single wire. That’s all we get and all we need. But this information packet opens up, and inside it is another fine picture of a working iPad. With little pointers to the buttons that it features and what they do. How nice. What else has it got?
Stickers! Some text, sure, but if you need more white apple logo stickers in your life then boy will an iPad do that for you! I’ll hafta see if I can bring some of these home for the kid, he loves both stickers and apples.
There’s some very specific text in there that caught my eye though, check it out:
Yeah, “Step 1: Fully infect yourself with f*king iTunes”. Yeah, right, like I’m gonna do that. I had a machine with iTunes installed on it once, it ran like crap until I uninstalled that garbage. What if I just want to turn on this slick piece of technology and play with it a bit?
Oh, look at that, it gives me the “Needs must haz iTunes!” error. Fark.
If you can’t quite make that out (apparently a camera isn’t good at capturing an image off an LCD panel), it’s a USB cable (remember that one cable that comes with the iPad?) and an icon labelled ‘iTunes’. Well, I knew that apple was doing well with that iTunes thing, but to use it as an OPERATING SYSTEM? Wow, that’s a step I wasn’t expecting. And then to not ship the device with it installed? Damn, that’s quite the shark being jumped there.
So what we have here, is one of the latest pieces of tech, and you can do absolutely nothing with it without already having a working computer that you can hook it up to. At no point was it even considered that someone might get an iPad and not already have a perfectly good working computer. And people want these things? My mind, it is boggled.
Oh well. That means I need the MacBook I brought with me (I was told I would need it, but I never imagined it would be “to turn on the iPad”)… which needs updating because nobody’s used it in a while. Hook up the iPad to the local free internet (wi-fi in the cafe), and… Only 4 hours to update the system! Okay, disable everything but core OS and… good god… iTunes. Yes, that I can update in a mere 40 minutes! Time passes, the baby Jesus cries, and eventually I have a MacBook with all the latest software. Back to the iPads! Hook one up. Will it go? No, not without my AppleID. Okay, supply my AppleID, now it’ll go! Give the iPad a name… Ah,the base operating system on it is way out of date. I guess I should update that, too. Hmm, 2 hours to download that. Wow, good thing I’ve got all night for this. Meanwhile, plug-in the next iPad! This MacBook has 2 USB ports so I can set up two iPads at once. Or at least I hope I can, that would bite if I couldn’t… Yes, I can! It does support multiple iPads, should I be thankful? Oh, hey, suddenly my AppleID is no longer enough! Now it wants to know about where I live. Why was my AppleID enough for the first one, but not the second? Very inconsistent. Exactly the kind of thing that makes me hate apple stuff, it tends to follow my expectations until it suddenly makes this wild divergence and goes off into uncharted territory. It’s gleefully bounding across the open prairie, and I’m back at the highway wondering “why did you leave this highway? where are you going? who’s house is this?”.
Enough of my rage against the technology nazis, several hours later I have a significant achievement: A stack of NINE configured iPads! Yay for me!
I find myself inordinately pleased with how the two stacks almost measure up despite the vast difference in starting location.
But if you haven’t already gotten the idea that I’m a strange kinda guy, then I guess that’s your first clue. 8 P